Saturday, May 31, 2008

With Apologies to Frank Loesser

OK, I have a new theory about why it's taking me so long to recover from the cold I picked up over a week ago. Maybe it's all due to stress over still not knowing what my future holds. Call it the "Adelaide from Guys and Dolls" theory of infectious disease causation...

The av-er-age jobless youngster
Basically insecure
Due to some keen frustration may react
With psychosomatic symptoms
Difficult to endure
Affecting the upper respiratory tract.

In other words, just from waiting around to learn whether she’ll get employed
A girl’s health can be destroyed.
You can treat her with miracle cures, but they will do no good
Even if she eats healthy and drinks lots of water just as she should
If she’s tired of not knowing how she’ll earn her livelihood
A girl’s health can be destroyed.

In an economic downturn
Young people lacking jobs
Show a neurotic tendency, see note:
Chronic organic symptoms
Headaches that pound and throb
Infections of eyes, of ears, the nose and throat

In other words, just from worrying if they’ll make her a job offer
A person can turn into a cougher.
You can give her some pills that will cure all her ills and make her nose clear
But the medicine can’t do a thing that will put her in good cheer
If she doesn’t know in what city or town she will live next year
A person can turn into a cougher.

And furthermore, just from wondering, wondering, wondering what she’ll do
A person can develop the flu.
When she gets interviewed for an op’ning and doesn’t break a sweat
The employer says kindly “We’ll tell you soon, no need to fret,”
Then it gets to be three weeks later—and no news yet,
A person can develop the flu,
The flu,
The phlegmatic goo,
She’ll get stuffy
Then get huffy
On account of that damn interview

From worrying if she should sit back and wait or should act more bold
A person can develop a bad, bad cold!

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